Shrink and The Pope

SHRINK MICHAEL DEES AND THE POPE

DEES Hey Ava, please send in my next patient. Hi Frank. What troubles you today. My record here indicates you have illusions that you’re the Pope. POPE Thank you (he gives Dees his blessing, returns the blessing with a fist pump.) You know Doc before I leave for the Vatican I have to get something off my chest. DEES Well, why don’t your start from the beginning. POPE Okay, In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth. DEES You created the heavens and the earth? POPE Sometimes I think I’m God then I think I’m the Pope. I think I’ve got a split personality. DEES A split personality? POPE When I go to a restaurant by myself, I ask for separate checks.

DEES Your’e a very popular Pope. POPE I know. My sermon at the Vatican before I left was very uplifting. It was so good I got a kneeling ovation. DEES How was your flight over from The Vatican? POPE To tell you the truth the flight over was very shaky, somebody from the back of the plane yelled you’re the Pope, do something religious, so I took up a collection. DEES Why are you really here, I want to help. POPE HONESTLY, I WANT TO START DATING AGAIN. DEES But you’re the Pope.

POPE I know, but I’ve been thinking about retiring lately. DEES You know dating leads to marriage. Why would you want to get married? POPE That’s one way to know what hell is really like. DEES Never thought about it that way. POPE Are their older ladies looking for ex Popes? There’s gotta be some women that are younger than my dentures. DEES Are you sure you want to do this? POPE Do you think it’s to late for me to start looking. DEES I have to look into how ex- Popes left their chosen professions and remarried. Do you know of any? POPE I know one retired 90 year old Pope, that started dating, finally got married to a woman the same age. They spent their honeymoon trying to get out of the car. DEES We’ll you look like you’ve been working out and staying in shape. There could be hope. POPE I try to stay in shape, at my age weight lifting means standing up. DEES You have to stay in shape, my recommendation is to walk as often as possible, if you ever needed a transplant or any type of replacement, I’m afraid they don’t make your parts anymore.

POPE You know I’m so old I can remember that the Dead Sea wasn’t dead it was only sick. DEES How do you look at old age. POPE Well old age means you’ve come a long way, baby and you just run out of gas. DEES It’s a different world out their Pope. If you plan to leave the clergy at your age you better be prepared to make sure you’re able to, you know, take care of a woman’s needs. POPE We’ll a plan on making love almost every day- almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday. DEES Well it’s time wrap this up. Before you leave, I have a cat that just passed away. POPE Cat’s? I don’t think so. DEES This cat was very special. Do you know of any churches in the area.

POPE The only church I think that can bury a cat is the Methodist church down the street. DEES Question, I loved this cat, do I give the Methodist Priest the envelop with $5,000 dollars before or after the burial? POPE $5000? I can handle the burial I didn’t know the cat was Catholic. DEES We’ll talk. POPE Thank you Doc. Can’t wait to see you at the burial. DEES Thank you. (Pope leaves) Eva could you send in our next patient. CAPELOTO Hello doc, One day I think I’m Ed McMahon, the next day I’m Foster Brooks.