Saturday, January 7, 2023

The Vatican Bureau The Pope

THE POPE 1 In Rome a woman from Weight Watchers was caught shoplifting cupcakes from Angelo’s bakery. When the carabinieri arrived they looked in her purse, not only did they find the cupcakes, but four cannoli's, three biscotti and a loaf of focaccia bread. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 2 In Florence Italy a student electrocuted his nipples and is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 3 My advice about marriage is divorce is painful, save yourself lot’s of trouble, find a woman you hate and buy her a car and a house and that ends your problems. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 4 You know if it weren’t for divorce, coffee shops in Italy wouldn’t have waitresses. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 5 Italian philosophers in the 1500’s offered this advice about marriage. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 6 A new study in Italy by the University of Bologna asked 10 women and 10 men if marriage was a wonderful institution. Everyone agreed except Guido Romano, Guido said who wants to live in an institution? Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 7 Rose Fiorito sent her husband Gino to the bakery for a loaf of bread. He was gone for 2 years. She searched everywhere, she finally tracked him down in another city. Without knocking on the door, she burst into the apartment and found Gino with another woman. Rose was upset, she asked him how did this start. Gino answered , Come on Rose, the bakery ws out of bread! Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 8 German researcher have concluded that 29 per cent of all Italians above the age of 16 have no clue about anything. The average of people in Europe who have no clue is 14 per cent. The study says that 22 per cent of men and 36 per cent of woman are clueless. Italian Minister of Education Guido Calucchi, openly doubts the numbers. He said “ every country in the world have people that have no clue. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 9 Tony’s Flying Pizza Chain has opened 20 stores in Rome. The Flying Pizza’s arrived in the Sistene Chapel last night just in time for dinner. The mozeralla cheese looked like wings from angels as they flew onto our dining room table. It was a miracle. Back to you in the studio. Back to you in the studio.
THE POPE 10 A sociologist from the United States is in Italy studying Italian lovers. While driving to Rome she passed a man in black pants an a plain white shirt working in as vinyard. She stopped and asked the man about his sex life. He said “I have sex maybe 15 times every year.” The sociologist said “that’s not too much,” the man said “what do you expect from a priest without a car!”Back to you in the studio.
11 THE POPE Naples Police arrested 54 year old Giuseppe Malatesta, outside a local bank after he used a demand note written on the back of his own birth certificate or as we say here at the Vatican Malatesta had a geranium instead of a cranium. Police interviewed his wife about the bank robbery and she concurred she said Giuseppe’s always been a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Back to you in the studio.
12 THE POPE Sicily’s worst air disaster happened this morning when a small two engine airplane with 2 aboard crashed into a Palermo cemetery. Rescue workers recovered more than 18 hundred missing bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues. Back to you in the studio.

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