Montiforte "Big Cheese."

Wise Guys Cooking FRANKIE “BIG CHEESE” MONTIFORTE By Mike Colonna

DISALVO Let’s welcome Frankie “The Big Cheese” Montiforte. MONTIFORTE May the Cheese be with you. DISALVO You know Frank you smell like a Cesars Salad. MONTIFORTE It must be my new Parmigiano cologne. This cologne is made with the finest ingredients. DISALVO For the folks out there that don’t know Frank, he’s a world famous invertor. Now he’s invented a new cheese formula. MONTIFORTE This formula will change the way we look at climate change.

DISALVO Can you share the ingredients? MONTIFORTE If you tell anyone I’ll have to kill you. DiSalvo un-earved with Montiforte’s smell. DISALVO Count on me, I won’t say a word.

MONTIFORTE You may not know this but the main ingredients used in cologne are water, alcohol and fragrance. My testers being with “cutting the cheese.” DISALVO Cutting the cheese? MONTIFORTE After thay all cut the cheese, DISALVO Wait a minute, are you in the same room when they all cut the cheese? MONTIFORTE Sometimes I walk in, and after they cut the cheese I head for the nearest door.

DISALVO I see. MONTIFORTE They take the cheese they just cut, put it in large test tubes, it swirls around like a DNA test, and you can smell which technician “cut the best cheese. It’s amazing how they do this without leaving the room. DISALVO Why would they have to leave the room. MONTIFORTE To insure that this mixture of liquified cheese is kept top secret, we never divulge which technician cut the cheese. So we all cut the cheese at the same exact moment. DISALVO That cut the cheese formula could be climate changer. MONTIFORTE The only folks that are skeptics are farmers. We’re trying to figure out how cows can create one of our colognes when they cut the cheese.